This is a guide on how to succeed at living away from home. This is coming from someone who's just finished their freshman year at college, and participated in many summer programs away from home. As we get closer to the fall and everyone starts thinking "holy hell, I'm actually gonna be in college soon", here's my advice on dorm essentials, roommates, bathrooms, life skills, and homesickness.
Dorm essentials:
A mattress pad. I have never slept on a bed in an institution that was actually comfortable. Invest in a good one. It will save your back and also make coming home to sleep a lot nicer.
Shower shoes and a shower caddy. Do I even need to explain this one?
Room decor. It’s a lot less depressing to be in a shoebox of a room if you have decor. There isn’t a ton of space for things like throw pillows or beanbags, but having printed pictures and fairy lights can make your room a lot more cozy. A little rug is nice too.
Wireless headphones/earbuds. Your roommate does not want to listen to your TV show or music as you putter about your room. Wireless headphones allow you to listen to whatever you want without disturbing your roommate. As a general rule of thumb, unless you are watching/listening to something socially or are alone, you should be using headphones.
Extension cords with power strips are a must. I shit you not, I had a single outlet in my dorm room that I had to figure out how to run a fridge off of while also charging all my devices and running a diffuser, a fan, and a tea kettle.
Living essentials. I’m talking about cleaning supplies, bedding, dishes, towels, first aid supplies, a water bottle, laundry stuff, etc. Your dorm room largely functions as a miniature house and as such, you will need the supplies to cook, clean, and generally take care of yourself.
Appliances are tricky. I would look at dorm rules and what you can afford before investing. Also, coordinate with your roommate about who will buy what. As it stands, the essential dorm appliances are a fridge, microwave, and hot water pot. You can make all the essentials (tea and ramen) with those supplies. A Brita filter is nice if you can fit it in your fridge. If your dorm doesn’t have AC, get a standing fan. It will keep you alive during the hot and humid months.
Hangers! Do not forget the hangers.
Lock. You’ll want a locked drawer for ~reasons~, whether that be money, medication, important documents, whatever. There is some stuff you just can’t risk getting stolen.
Storage bins will save you. Store food, school books, etc in them. Make sure they fit in the places you want them to before buying!
Other stuff: clothes, shoes, jackets, toiletries, school supplies, bags, sports equipment. Basically anything you use on a day to day basis.
Side note: less is more. I made the mistake of bringing way too much stuff. It’s a pain in the ass to haul around during move-in and move-out and is generally just not worth it. People often overestimate the number of clothes and number of nostalgic items they need. I promise you, it’s so much nicer to just have the essentials of living with a few comfort/nostalgic/fancy things. You don’t need to bring your entire shoe or book collection.
Practical Skills & Important Things
Laundry. Please know how to do laundry. Do not leave your items in a washer/dryer overnight or longer than the wash cycle. Someone might throw it on the ground, or worse, throw it out.
Dishes. Moldy food is not only gross, but it will make your room smell like shit and your roommate want to defenestrate you. Nobody cleans up for you in a dorm.
General tidiness. Most dorms are shoeboxes. What flies as “clean” in a larger room does not fly as “clean” in a dorm room because the space is so small. Have a place for everything and keep spaces like your desk surface clear. Hang up and fold your clothes. Take out the damn trash and make your bed! I promise you, making your bed each day makes a world of difference not only in your physical environment but also your mental headspace.
Basic cooking. You don’t need to be able to whip up a Michelin star meal, but learn how to make simple meals in case you can’t get food from the college dining halls or order online. As a rule of thumb, it’s always good to have a couple packets of instant ramen and instant oatmeal lying around.
Know who to call. If something goes wrong, you’re going to want to have the contact information of relevant people like your RA or security services. I recommend inputting those contacts once you have them into your phone.
Medical issues. If you have a chronic illness, disability, or any type of condition mental or physical that needs to be managed by a doctor, you're going to need to get a practitioner set up near your college. Have your current doctor help find you one or use the college's resources (many keep a list of providers). Figure out your health insurance, the hospital you'll primarily seek care from, and pharmacies. Keep all the paperwork and documentation you'll need accessible. Get your school accommodations set up preemptively!
Money management. The basic principles of financial health such as having a bank account, keeping a relative budget, and not living outside your means are crucial. Personally, I would recommend getting a credit/debit card set up before you leave home. Cash is not king, and it sometimes can be hard to find ATMs on campus. Having an emergency credit card attached to my parent's bank account is something that I have had all four years and is a contingency for me for medical or transportation emergencies. Have your own bank account and understand how to access it and not go into debt.
Critical items. Having important documentation is really important. If you don't have a drivers license, you'll need a state ID or a passport. Memorize your SSN! It's likely you'll need it at some point. You should have your health insurance cards to use in case you need to seek emergency medical treatment. If you have chronic illnesses or disabilities, know where and how to access your diagnostic paperwork, along with things like vaccine records and medication lists. If you have a car, you'll need your car's registration and insurance. Once you have your student ID and key to your dorm, don't lose it. Keep all of this type of stuff either with you, digitally, or in a locked drawer in your dorm.
Time management. Nobody will police you when you’re away from home. You need to figure out how to make a schedule and stick to it. Routine can be very beneficial during times of stress.
Coping skills. Living away from home can be stressful in itself. There are lots of supports built in to an undergrad college, but knowing how to take care of yourself and your emotions is key. I have a list here.
Self-care. A lot of people have the misconception that self-care is a fancy bubble bath or an expensive meal. Self-care is really about practicality and helping yourself succeed. Think of it as investing in your future self, whether that be legitimate self-improvement or just lessening the burdens your future self will have to carry. Whether that be going to the gym on a regular basis, setting boundaries with toxic friends, keeping a strict morning routine, or doing work when you don’t want to because you know it will bite you in the ass, self-care is key to keeping yourself not only functional, but happy. Of course there’s always room to treat yourself, but that should not be the focus. It’s hard to build up self-discipline which is key to self-care, but it’s really worth it.
Seeking help. Living away from home is hard. Feeling like an adult for the first time is hard. Use the resources you are provided with to your best advantage. Student health services, counseling, disability accommodations, writing centers, career centers, etc. All these resources at your disposal can help you succeed. There’s no shame in asking for help. College is a time of transition between the teen years and the "real" adult years. The rug won't be pulled out from under you completely. There are still a lot of safeguards and people who can help.
Responsibility. For some people, the first time they are away from home is the first time they face accountability. There is no parent to step in or soften the blow. Your actions, either positive or negative, have consequences. It’s okay to have fun, but don’t compromise your integrity or future.
Bathrooms:
I can’t believe I am dedicating a whole section to this, but I know communal bathrooms are a large source of fear for y’all. Side note, I only have the experience of living in a single-gender dorm, so I don’t know how coed bathrooms would work.
I promise you, you are thinking a LOT more about yourself than others are thinking about you. Everyone minds their business in the bathroom.
If you are uncomfortable changing in a bathroom (even behind a curtain), change in your room instead. Wear a robe to the bathroom along with shower shoes. Bring a shower caddy with all your toiletries and a towel. Then walk to the bathroom, pop in the shower, put on your robe again, and go back into your room to change into real clothes.
Please clean up after yourself. Don’t spit on the mirror, leave puddles on the floors, or otherwise make the bathroom gross. It's disgusting and disrespectful.
Roommates:
For many people, this will be the first time living with someone and sharing the same space. Dorm rooms are small, and you will become intimately acquainted with your roommate in many ways. Having a roommate can be an absolutely wonderful experience and how you make a best friend or it can be very challenging.
Setting boundaries. The biggest source of bad roommate experiences is bad boundaries or total lack of them. When you first get a roommate and establish a rapport, make it clear what is acceptable to you and what isn’t. Then come up with a list that you both agree with or can make compromises on. Most colleges pair roommates up by living style questionnaires, but it can’t help to make clarifications. Some examples of questions to ask:
How can you be best contacted in an emergency?
What time do you go to bed on weeknights? Weekends?
Are people okay to sleep over in your room?
Are you okay with sharing food? If so, what?
Are guests allowed at any time or only with advance notice?
Can you share things like cleaning supplies, clothes, etc? If so, what items?
What alarm times/how many alarms in the morning is okay?
What time do you get up in the morning on weekdays? Weekends?
What time do you want to turn the lights off and on during the day?
Are you clean or messy?
What level of noise (phone calls, TV, etc) is acceptable?
You don't have to be friends with your roommate. If selecting via social media, I promise you, compatibility in your level of neatness and usual sleep schedule is vastly more important than liking the same kind of music or movies.
If you are in an unbearable or even highly uncomfortable living situation, it is okay to try and change roommates. For a lot of people, their dorm is their “safe space” and so it’s worth it to make an effort to get your experience to be as good as possible. Talk to your RA to resolve imminent conflicts and don’t be afraid to go to student life if something big needs to be changed.
Homesickness:
This is not something I personally experienced to a large degree, mainly because of how I was raised. However, I know a lot of people who struggled with homesickness.
As much as it is uncomfortable, the college experience is unique and valuable. When you go home, it may feel like you’ve outgrown your childhood home or life. Although wanting to go home may feel safer, you’ll grow a lot if you stick it out.
Maintaining relationships with your family and close friends from home is essential. Maintaining long-distance relationships with friendships can be difficult, so I recommend regularly making time to FaceTime or text, or even meet up if your paths somehow intersect. Your parents will probably want to hear from you, so make sure you call them every so often, provided you want to and have a good relationship. They’ve likely been one of the biggest sources of comfort and support for you for your whole life, and now that you’ve moved out, that won’t go away. You're not going to lose your home life entirely.
Build connections at school. Although it’s scary, the first few months of college are when people really start to build friendships and friendship groups. Joining clubs, participating in orientation stuff, getting involved with sport teams, talking to people in classes, and generally making an effort to be social will help you build your own community.
If your homesickness is becoming overwhelming, or severely detrimental to your mental health, seek support through the student mental health office or the equivalent. It will eventually pass, or at least become more bearable, and seeking support can help make the burden easier.
I think that is about everything! If you have specific questions, reply below and I'll do my best to answer. Moving away from home was simultaneously the scariest thing I’ve ever done but also the best. I learned so much about independence, responsibility, self-reliance, and self-advocacy. Really, I just learned how to make my way through life.
Per popular request, a full list of pretty much anything you could ever need to bring to college in no particular order and a check-off-able version on a spreadsheet plus the Google Docs (ergo printable) version of this post.
[For those who may be thinking "I've seen this before!" this is indeed a repost of my original post from several months back.]